One of the most frustrating things to deal with is being unable to sleep when you are clearly exhausted. And, I know I need to sleep so my body can recover! Ugh! A while ago, I had the opposite problem. For almost 2 years, I couldn't stop sleeping! I just couldn't stay awake! What a contradiction. Hopefully someday I'll find a compromise that I can live with. Can you believe that I used to sleep straight through a whole weekend? (minus bathroom trips, glasses of water) Crazy. My record is 37 1/2 hours. WTF. Worse yet, at that time I had no definitive diagnosis to fully account for what was wrong with me. It was excruciating. Deplorable. At least now I have a sound explanation for all my bizarre behaviors, despite how daunting.

Most nights nowadays, I just can't seem to get 'comfortable.' Translation: burning sensations throughout my skin/body, musco/skeletal pain, itchy skin (with 'creepy-crawly' sensations all over), muscle twitching, peripheral neuropathy, etc. It is literally hell. HELL! At least eventually, I do fall asleep. I went through a month or two where nothing seemed to be able to knock me out. I hope I NEVER EVER have to go through that again! I took 10 Benadryl one night. Slept 30 min. Then my dr gave me the highest dose they make of Ambien. The most I could sleep then was only 4 hours. WTF.

I can't stress how good it feels to finally be in a position where it really feels like the worst is over! Looking back, it's hard to fully grasp what a journey this has been so far. I do not ponder what the future may bring. I just can't look that far ahead at this time. Too much. Honestly, I really don't care right now. All I do care about right now is living in the moment. Living authentically. Being truly present. I learned my lesson earlier in my life when I tried to plan out and control my future... there's a quote that says, "God laughs when men make plans." 

That's another thing. Spirituality has been crucial for me. Basically, remembering that I am an eternal, spiritual being, here on Earth having a human experience, not just a human on Earth having a spiritual experience. What a breakthrough! When we understand that we are not our bodies, that they are just our 'vehicles' for existing here on Earth, a remarkable dimension is added to our lives. A series of compounding effects takes place. Anyway, for me the realization that I have total control of how I experience things has had a profound impact. I see the correlation between negative energies, thoughts, emotions, and setbacks, strife. I decided that I needed to take control of my miserable situation and change the way I saw it, therefore allowing me to become aware of the gifts this situation could bring. I began to realize all the priceless things I had gained, not at how miserable I was over all that was lost. Thinking this way takes some practice at first, but it is definitely possible to switch over negative thinking. Love and positivity is way too infecting :)