The weather is painful

Like other "Lymies" (people w/ Lyme, tick-borne illnesses), changes in the weather affect my symptoms tremendously. Making matters worse, the climate where I am currently living has got to be one of the worst ones, due to its humidity levels. I grew up here and never had a problem with it until I became sick. Now it has become something I completely loathe because of the pain it ensues.

I literally feel it in my body, my bones, when the barometer switches. So, I have one thing in common with a lot of elderly people, only I'm 33! (34 next month) Anyway, it's just not right. I hate that I am so limited to the activities that I can do because of my pain. However, today my spirits are much brighter today than they have been in a while. So I'm miserable, but I'm still smiling :)

Anyway, there was a cool severe thunderstorm that rolled in last night. I've always loved severe weather for some odd reason. Fascinating to watch Mother Nature put on a show. The lightning was gorgeous! Clouds I haven't seen before, the colors... Reminds us who is really in control...

I guess I just love the sky. Love looking up into the heavens. All I hope for is a nice balance of fun storms and clear skies, so I can see the stars. It would be great if I could use my telescope a lot, even though my "Lyme Brain" has caused me to forget how to use it, or where the constellations are. But I'm not gonna let those minor details get in the way... (I hope anyway)

My attitude, mood, motivation, (even maybe sometimes my personality) changes so often that it's just really hard for me to stick with anything very long. The healthy Emily would definitely not be this way. I miss her. Please come back (soon), Healthy Emily!

Add to that the fact that my memory, plus numerous other neurological functions seems to have taken a nose-dive, symptoms worsening tremendously since I've been on my antibiotic holiday. It's been like, what? Two months? Almost two months I believe. Anyway, this (among numerous other symptoms that have also greatly worsened) has been extremely devastating for me. Can't remember much of anything, can't effectively communicate, etc. (At this exact moment I am feeling this extreme frustration for not even being able to chronicle the rest of the other stuff that has been making me feel so small and so devastated)...ironic

Everything. Everything needs to be documented. Written down. Or I will not remember it! Only problem is that when my hands, my fingers, the joints hurt so bad like they have, writing is hard. Thankfully, typing is better. Well, the way I type, at least. I'm slow, but I've got all the time in the world.

At least today, after a week, I am finally able to enjoy my fave music. Music is and has always been something so essential for me. How I connect, how I cope, how I relate. How I could get through with life. So, for the last week (or maybe for more than just 1 week) when I couldn't find anything that I could even tolerate! It all was just noise. Annoying noise. That's messed up. Another reminder of how this disease has just destroyed me! Ugh!!!

Maybe just the fact that everyday life is so hard to cope with, with the pain, the suffering, the losses of the person I used to be, with it all- maybe that's why my pulse is always racing! Every week, when my home-care nurse comes, she takes my vitals, (among the other stuff she does) and my pulse is always high. My low pulse, like when I'm not in a lot of pain, is in the 70's! My high ones are around 100! The other day, it was a record- 112! Wow. I used to exercise reguarly all my life and that just amazes me. At least my blood pressure is low. Almost dangerously low. Anyway...

Well it looks like the weather report is more bad news. The 80% humidity is not going away anytime soon. But, tonight it should storm. And rain. Rain for the next 3 days. Ugh...