Communicating is so unbelieveably hard!

Over the last few days it has become increasingly harder to communicate. Finding the right words to effectively interpret my thoughts and ideas into words and sentences... just ask anyone who has talked to me yesterday or today! So anyway, I guess I'm entering that phase... Ugh. Doesn't this disease know not to mess with a Gemini, a natural communicator! I need to communicate, dammit! This is frustrating beyond belief!

Something is wrong when it takes you a half hour to do a Facebook post! (Almost 2 years ago, at my worst with this symptom, it was 2 hours!) All I was trying to do was write a few lines! Once typed, the words didn't look right. The spelling looks wrong (but it wasn't), the context seemed wrong, the sentence doesn't make sense, am I conveying the right message, etc. WTF! Thank god, there's nothing wrong with me... it's just the Lyme!

I forgot to mention about how even though I may have just spent an exorbitant amount of time attempting to do a FB post, the possibility that I would just get to a point of extreme frustration and give up is highly likely, in excess of 80%. It may appear to others that I don't care about them enough to keep in touch, but that is far from the case. I want to be more social, I just don't have that ability all the time!

Let me also add that I'll have periods where this particular malady is completely reversed. This is why people who have seen me during both extremes can become confused, and sometimes, quite judgemental. They just don't understand. It can be so ironic, because in order to enlighten someone in this area, you need to have adept conversational skills.

Today, anyway, I'm good as long as you're not trying to talk to me. I seem to be handling typing this monologue okay. One thing I must add is that only I know how long it is really taking me to think of the things I want to say. Let's just say that it's taking a lot longer than it should be. If this was a face-to-face conversation, every person I know would just give up after awhile. First though, they would be either completely lost, pretend to be listening, or get distracted by something else. It hurts. It hurts, and I have no control over it.

I've been also known to say something the wrong way and someone else is hurt or offended. So, then it is my fault then. This is when I demand telepathy! But who knows? It's very possible that my mind might seem like a mess of tangled up thoughts, unable to be retrieved and deciphered.

I did not want to feel antisocial today. It has been more of a forced antisocial day. I have lots of stuff I want to say to many people, but it just wasn't working well conveying those things across. So I just found something else to do. Good thing I've had my beloved music to enjoy again. I can't stress enough how delighted I am to not be repulsed by any kind of music! It's so wonderful to not think of it as noise! It's been like I've reconnected with a long-lost friend... I haven't had my headphones out of my ears during much of the week!

So, while one symptom (or several symptoms) acts up, others go away (or at least subside). That's how it happens. When the severity of such symptoms diminishes over time, you know that you're getting better! Which, I am!... it's just painfully slow. And hard.