After staring into space today for a few hours, thoughts and fragments of thoughts swimming in and out of my head... I have many days like this... I made up my mind to try to do an update on here. It has been a long time. I've been pretty sick. Unfortunately, as I make progress in some areas and get back functioning in certain areas, I deteriorate in other ways. This is how having multiple co-infections along with the Lyme so complicates matters.
I rarely go on Facebook any more. Its been months since I feel like I have much in common with the rest of the world, even my family or good friends. If I am online, it's on sites like LymeConnect.com - the only place where I can relate to others lately. I just don't have the patience for the rest of the world's trivial problems any more.
Right now, in my personal hell... I am debating about the best things to do to try to make myself feel a little better. Earlier, I thought if I just could get out some of these feelings I've had, I would feel better. Well, now I've had the computer on this page for a few more hours and I haven't made much progress. More sitting and staring into space...
I haven't had any sense of time for 3-4 years now. The last year or two I measure time only in medication and supplement doses. Birthdays, holidays... they just don't mean much than being just another day. I am always surprised to see whatever date it is, to comprehend the gravity of exactly how long I have been in this state of suspension. Wow. That's all I can really say.
In the meantime, I'm trying to find the best music that sounds good to me right now. Even this has shown to be a difficult task. I hate this when I'm like this. I can't even enjoy things I usually would. One thing that I'm thankful for is my huge lifetime accumulation of music! My iPod is my best friend. Maybe I'll find the right music today to help get me out of this hell today. I desperately need to wash my hair. If only I could manage to get the strength and desire to accomplish that.
